A ChristmEd Carol
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: A version of a Christmas Carol starring the Eds! When Edd wants to put on a Christmas play, Eddy abandons the lead roll, putting the preformance in jepordy. A few ghosts must change his mind in time!
1. Scrooge

The next day, Eddy was walking through the snow, grumpy as usual. He never liked Christmas, and Quincy Claus failing didn't help. "Christmas. What a stupid time of the year."

Eddy walked up to Edd's house. On the door, he found a sticky note. It said: "Dear Eddy, Meet me at the theater! I have a wonderful idea for a scam! ---Edd"

"A scam? That's what I'm talking about! Maybe Christmas ain't so bad!" With money on his mind, Eddy started running to the theater. Johnny and Plank climbed down from a tree.

"Hey, Eddy!" called Johnny, "Could you give some money to the Save the Rainforest Foundation?"

"No way! The trees can save themselves!"

"But Plank has friends out there!"

"So you save them! Leave me out of this! Wood is overrated anyway, when we have plastic!" Eddy continued walking. Johnny, and Plank trailed behind him singing an irritating Christmas Carol, "Father Christmas." After a few verses, Eddy got fed up and threw some snowballs at them. The ball hit Johnny in the face. He dropped Plank, who fell on the road. A car hit him, sending him flying into the distance.

"PLANK!" screamed Johnny, running after him. Eddy growled and stomped into the theater. "Maybe I shouldn't have thrown that snowball," he thought. "Plank might be lost...well, who cares?"

The second he stepped foot inside, Edd rushed over to him. "Eddy! You got my note?"

"Yeah, sorry if I'm late. What's the scam?"

"We're putting on a play of a Christmas Carol!"

Ed, who was also there, started reading the book upside-down. Edd noticed. "Um, Ed? Why not read a version that's more suited to you? This version has Mr. Magoo. This one has the Muppets. And this one has Mickey Mouse. The plots are all the same. Ebenezer Scrooge is a mean old man who hates Christmas. He doesn't pay his employee, Bob Cratchit, and, one night..."

"Yeah, yeah, what do you need me for?"

"I would like you to play Scrooge, the skinflint who hates Christmas!"

Eddy smiled. "Wow, that actually sounds fun!"

"I'm glad you like it! Here are your props. I'll go put on my costume!" Edd handed Eddy his costume: A tophat and a cane. He then scampered off followed by Ed as Eddy puts on the costume. An important thought crossed his mind: "How does this story end?"

Eddy looked in each of the books, only to see that Scrooge liked Christmas at the end. "I can't LIKE Christmas!"

Eddy heard Jimmy outside the room singing carols. Eddy burst through the doorway and kicked him out. "**_God rest ye merry gentlemen_**

**_May nothing you dis_**--AAAAHHHH!"

Eddy looked at Jimmy unconscious on the floor. "I'm sick of Christmas! Besides, this play won't get any money! I've gotta hide or something! Yeah! I'll hide from Christmas! And everyone that likes it!...but I AM gonna keep this costume. Makes me look more rich."

Eddy looked out the window to see that night had fallen, even though it was only the afternoon. Weird things were going on. Light snow filled the sky as the whole world was silent, aside from the blowing wind. "Boy, it gets dark fast here. I can't abandon Double D...but I gotta! No more Christmas!" Then, with a hat on his head and a cane in his hand, Eddy burst out the door and rushed into the snow.

Eddy: **_I hate this stupid season_**

_**I hate all mankind**_

_**Makes you lose your reason**_

_**Makes you lose your mind**_

_**Next thing you know**_

_**I'll be dancing in snow**_

_**The spirit of Christmas I don't want to find**_

_**So I wish that the whole world would just let me be**_

'_**Cause the whole world just stinks**_

_**It has nothing to do...WITH ME!**_

Chorus: **_What a chilly evening_**

_**Still we're all aglow**_

_**Don't it feel like it might snow!**_

On that note (literally), Eddy let the snow surround him as he disappeared into the night.

* * *

This story was at first in a different section, but no one really looked at it. I'm hoping it will get more hits here.


	2. Link By Link

I forgot to say that I don't own the Eds, or the Muppets or A Christmas Carol. If I did, I would be rich and be treating those poor Muppets better than Disney has. Anyway, here's the Jacob Marley scene which is my favorite of all the Christmas Carol moments. I don't know why, but Marley always has some of the best bits in the many versions of this story...

* * *

A few minutes later, the foggy snow cleared. Eddy found himself back outside the theater. "What? I'm back here! But I've walked for a while! I must have gotten lost...well, I'm not going back out there! I'll hide inside!"

Eddy reached for the doorknob, but right before his hand touched it, the knob changed. In less than a second, it morphed into the face of Edd! "Eddy..." it said softly.

"Double D?" But the doorknob had turned back to normal faster than it had changed in the first place. Wondering what had just happened, Eddy walked inside, but his feet never touched the ground, for there was no ground to touch. He fell down a pit and landed on a small platform. "This is new...Where'd the floor go?"

A giant ghostly Edd wrapped in chains appeared. "Hello, Eddy!"

"Double D? What's going on?"

The spirit changed to his normal size and floated onto the platform with Eddy. "I am here to warn you! Change your ways, Eddy!"

"My...ways?"

"It is required of every man to wander around the earth, helping others...NOT SCAMMING THEM OF THEIR MONEY!"

Eddy looked confused. Anyone would be, if they were talking to the ghost of their friend who wasn't actually dead. "What's up with you? And why do you have those chains?"

The spirit sighed. "I'd better start from the top..."

(sung to the tune of "Marley and Marley")

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**Three boys, and also crooks**_

_**We'd sham and scam**_

_**And we used**_

_**Every trick in the books**_

_**They rarely worked, but we refused**_

_**To ever give up**_

_**We never got enough quarters, though**_

_**To fill a paper cup!**_

"So then why are you here?"

"It's not just the money! Our scams hurt others! You were too busy to make them safe! And as punishment, you must carry heavy chains for all of your afterlife!"

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**The most hated boys in town**_

_**The scams we've made never worked**_

_**And made the other kids frown**_

_**Now the chains**_

_**Are wrapped around**_

_**Your legs, torso, and arms**_

_**You're filled with all the pain of**_

_**All the people that you harmed**_

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy!**_

"What are you talking about?" asked Eddy, "You've got the chains!"

Edd gave an evil smile. "Oh, no, Eddy...the chains are yours!" Instantly, the chains wrapped around Eddy.

"Hey! What gives!"

Edd: **_Spirits_**

_**Will haunt you tonight**_

_**Saving you from a future filled with fright**_

_**Three of them**_

_**Will try to change your ways!**_

_**So hear them out**_

_**Or else I doubt**_

_**You'll have happier days!**_

"I have to listen to spirits?"

"Three of them!" corrected Edd. "Good luck, Eddy!"

"Don't you have to have them, too?"

"I try honest scams, like my play! Scams that never intentionally harmed anyone!"

"People are gonna die of boredom from your play!"

"Which, I must remind you, you're not helping with!"

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**Remember what I've said**_

_**In later days**_

_**Let's just pray**_

_**Our scams will have less bloodshed**_

_**But for now, I can only hope**_

_**You'll turn into someone new**_

_**It may sound strange**_

_**But try to change**_

_**The future's up to you**_

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**We're Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**...CHANGE!**_

The room went dark. When the lights came on, Eddy was sitting alone in the halls. He peeked out the door, almost expecting to see the ghost Edd flying around. But there was nothing but snow. "What was that! I've really gotta get away from Christmas now!" Eddy slammed the door and ran into the building to hide.

* * *

If "Marley and Marley" seemed longer, it was. The soundtrack has an extra verse. (Actually, I think I see where it was cut in the movie. Watch for it between when Jacob Marley/Statler says "When the bell tolls one" and the final three "We're Marley and Marley"'s) 


	3. The Lights of Long Ago

Eddy ran down the hallway, when snow started to fall. "Snow...indoors!" Eddy ran through the snow, but soon collapsed. Sarah and Jimmy stepped in front of him."

"We are the ghosts of Christmas Past!" said Sarah. Jimmy looked nervous. "But there's only one Ghost of Christmas Past, Sarah!"

"You're right..."

The two of them morphed into a two-headed person. Eddy looked annoyed, though that's nothing new. "Great. I get a freak for a spirit."

"HEY! We're here to help you stop being such a loser!"

"Oh yeah? I think I'm LOOKING at a loser!"

"Eddy, we're here to show you one of your first Christmases!" said Jimmy. Suddenly, they were in a school. Little kids were running around. It all looked familiar...

"Where are we?" asked Eddy.

"Why, it's the preschool Christmas party that you had a long time ago, silly!" replied Jimmy.

"Hey, yeah! There I am! What's that I'm holding?"

"It's a bottle of milk filled with sewer water." grumbled Sarah.

"I remember this! It was my first ever scam!"

"And a dangerous one at that!" added Jimmy. "You gave it to Kevin."

"Hey, Kevin! Want some milk?" asked the younger Eddy.

"Why is it gray?"

"It's...sports drink milk!"

"Awesome!"

"Cough up a penny and it's yours!"

Kevin drank the "milk" and looked disgusted. The present Eddy watching laughed. "Man, that was priceless!"

"Kevin didn't think so," said Jimmy. "And Nazz saw it as well. They didn't think much of you from then on. But they couldn't do a thing about it, because your brother was always around. They were terrified of him. But when he left home, they were free to finally stop putting up with it all! You were left with no one."

"Yeah!" said Sarah. "You were such a loser, no one else liked you!"

Jimmy continued, "You finally saw two people who didn't hate you! Two people you ignored your entire life..." The smaller Eddy walked over to the young Edd and Ed. "Um, hi...guys."

"Flabbergasted!" said the younger Ed.

"Hello, I'm Edd. This is Ed. Do I know you?"

"No...I'm Eddy."

"That's funny! We're all named Edward!"

"I wanted to be named Zena, Warrior of the Planet of the Apes." The Eds continued to talk and become friends.

"They took you in, despite the fact that you never said a word to them," sadi Jimmy. "Would you do a thing like that?"

"I guess I wouldn't..."

"Yeah, you booger head!"

Eddy watched his past speed up. Soon, he was getting older. "Wow...I never really thought about that..."

"Come," said Jimmy. "We'll look at another Christmas." They were suddenly in the Cul-de-Sac in the summer.

"This isn't Christmas! It's July!"

"It was just last summer," said Jimmy. "Ed was bringing Christmas cheer to the kids. But then you, like you always do, tried to con the kids out of their money!"

"Oh, come on! Ed and Double D were doing it, too!"

But it was YOUR idea!" accused Sarah. Eddy saw him and his friends singing carols for money.

_**Deck the halls with boughs of holly**_

_**Fa la la la la la la la la**_

_**Give us cash or we'll never stop singing...**_

Sarah's spirit suddenly smacked the present Eddy.

"What was that for!"

"For taking our money!" Eddy saw Ed giving the jawbreakers away. "But did Ed eat the jawbreakers you bought?" asked Jimmy.

"NO! That lump gave them all away!"

"But you didn't see the whole thing..."

"I gave jawbreakers to all, and to all a good night!" Ed was saying. Eddy's pset version tried to tackle him, but bounced off. He got up. "You idiot! Those were OUR jawbreakers! I can't believe anyone would be so STUPID!" Before Ed could say anything, Eddy's past self ran off.

"Gee, Double D," Ed said when Eddy was gone, "I saved one for him. More for us!"

"I suppose you're right." The present Eddy watched and was touched. "He saved one...for me?"

"But it didn't end there," said Jimmy.

"This is pretty fun," Sarah said, seeing Eddy's pain. The past Eddy passed Nazz's house. He glanced in the window. Nazz and Kevin were inside.

"So I didn't see Eddy with a jawbreaker," said Nazz. "That's too bad."

"Eh, he didn't deserve them! Remember when he was just a baby dork and he gave me that sewage milk?"

"Yeah. That stuff was gross. Well, I'm happy I ended up with you."

"Is that a mistletoe?"

"Merry Christmas..." The past Eddy looked like he was in dire pain as he watched the two of them kiss. The present Eddy looked the same way. "I tried to forget that one..."

Suddenly, they were all back in the hallway. "Why'd you have to go and show those memories to me!"

"They show why you hate Christmas," explained Jimmy. "When you were very little, most of your friends drifted away and your brother left. Then later, you saw Nazz and Kevin kiss. Deep down, you remember these memories every Christmas. But if you stopped scamming people, that kind of stuff wouldn't happen. These are the shadows of what have been. Don't blame me."

"I'm not about to give up scamming just because of some memories!" yelled Eddy. "HIT THE ROAD, JACK!"

Sarah lost it. "That's it!" Sarah shoved Eddy into a vending machine in the hall. The two of them disappeared, leaving Eddy crammed inside.

* * *

I know we've had an episode where we saw how the Eds met. However, I had already written this story when I saw it...at least it was a good one. 


	4. It Feels Like Christmas

"Hey!" yelled Eddy, banging on the vending machine. "Get me outta here!" Rolf instantly appeared, surrounded by meat. "Rolf is the Ghost of Christmas Present!"

"You're gonna give me a present? Get me outta this thing so you can give me my present!"

Rolf felt the machine, looking for a weak spot. He finally found it and smashed the machine open with his head. Eddy popped out and crashed into the wall. He got up, badly shaken. "Please never do that again..."

Rolf tossed Eddy some sausages. "Eat! The food is good for Eddy!"

Eddy looked confused, but took a bite, quickly spitting it out. Rolf hit Eddy on the head, and the boy miserably ate the rest of the meat. When he was finished, they were whisked away, ending up by Johnny.

"What's going on?" asked Eddy.

"We are in the present, stupid Ed-boy! Gaze upon the other children."

Johnny look worried. He was frantically digging through the snow. "Plank? Plank? Where are you, buddy? The poor guy's probably scared to death out there! Well, I'm not giving up! This is all Eddy's fault!"

"MY fault!" yelled Eddy, despite the fact that Johnny couldn't hear him. "Well, I did throw that snowball at Johnny...but he started it! Eh, who needs them? What's gonna happen to Plank, anyway?"

"I see Johnny with a vacant arm," said Rolf grimly.

Eddy looked nervous. "That doesn't sound good...show me something happier. Show me Double D!"

Instantly, they were at the set of the play where Edd was running around in a panic. "Eddy is still gone! Where is he!"

Ed walked in. "Eddy's over there with Rolf dressed as Christmas Present."

Edd looked at him. "Unless you have the sixth sense, the power to see ghosts, I highly doubt that. But I do hope Eddy arrives soon, or the play may be ruined!"

"Bye, Eddy!"

"I'm here, Double D!" cried Eddy. "Don't go crazy! Rolf, you gotta take me back to normal time! Double D really needs me!"

"Sorry, but you are required to see one more ghost."

"But Rolf, I'll change! Everyone needs me! I---I gotta find Plank, and be Scrooge, and..."

"Go fourth and know him better, Ed-boy!" said Rolf as he faded away. In fact, it wasn't only Rolf fading. Everything around Eddy faded to black, leaving him standing in an empty void. "Wait! Rolf! Come back! I said I'd change! YOU NEVER GAVE ME MY PRESENT!"

Suddenly, the environment around Eddy faded back in. He was standing alone in the dark theater hallway. "I've really gotta get out of here now!"

* * *

At first, our dear Ed himself was going to be Present (he would get Eddy out of the vending machine by eating the entire thing and spitting him out) but after seeing Rolf surrounded by all that meat in the Christmas special gave him the role instead (which is good, because I feel I underuse him in some of my other fics)


	5. Despicable

Eddy ran, but fell down a staircase. He got up and found himself in an even darker hallway. He started to run again, but bumped into a large hooded ghost. "Are you the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?" he asked. The spirit slowly nodded.

"You freak me out more than any of the other guys I've met tonight..." admitted Eddy. "...but you're here to help, right?" The ghost nodded again.

"Then let's go."

Eddy found himself outside again. Kevin and Nazz walked by. "...so the dork's hiding out from Christmas!" Kevin was saying. "What a loser!"

"His loss," agreed Nazz.

"Hiding out on Christmas..." Eddy said to himself. That sounded familiar. "Doesn't anyone care that this guy's not around?" he asked the silent spirit.

Eddy found himself next standing in the Park 'n Flush. "The trailer park! Why are we here?"

Christmas Future pointed to the Kanker Sister's trailer. They were sitting inside with Eddy's stuff. "Look at this haul!" smiled Lee.

"Yeah, good thing he wasn't at home when we raided his place!" said May.

"Are these REAL leopard skin undies?" giggled Marie.

"Lucky us he's hiding out on Christmas! Let's raid his brother's room now!" ordered Lee. They ran outside and in the direction of the Cul-De-Sac.

"That guys whom the Kankers robbed..." said Eddy. "Was he...?" Suddenly, he was whisked away again. He was standing by a figure covered in snow hiding behind a building. Perhaps it was just a bush...but what if it was something...or someone else?

"You want me to brush the snow off?" asked Eddy. The ghost nodded. Eddy reached for the snow, but was interrupted by Johnny running around.

"Plank? Plank? Where are you, buddy?" Suddenly, Johnny stepped on Plank who lay covered in the snow, breaking him. "Plank...NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh no!" cried Eddy. "Plank! Why'd I throw that snowball?"

Next, Eddy found himself by Ed and Edd. "I'm stunned, Ed," sighed Edd. "That was the worst play ever."

"It wasn't so bad."

"Really, Ed? You mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Well, we learned one lesson from this...never try to cut Scrooge's character from 'A Christmas Carol...' I guess that Eddy didn't care about the play after all..."

"What do we do now?"

"Well, we'll never be able to show our faces outside again...I think I'll spend the rest of my days in your basement. (Never thought I'd say that...)" The two of them walked away and disappeared into the swirling snow.

"Ed! Double D!" called Eddy. "Don't leave! Spirit! Tell me that these things can be changed! I'll change! I'll play Scrooge! I'll go to Calvin's party and get as many people as I can to come with me! I'll help Johnny find Plank! I'll celebrate Christmas and I won't do such dangerous scams!"

Future handed Eddy a note. It said, "Well, there's only one way to get you back."

"What's that?" asked Eddy. The spirit kicked Eddy, who flew off into the distance. "STUPID CHARLES DICKENS STORY!"

Once Eddy was gone, the ghost took off his hood to reveal...Yeshmiyek the Christmas Troll?

* * *

Future was a hard one to cast. Back when this started outas a"Calvin at Camp" story, it was played by the "Invader Zim" character, Minimoose (Zim and he rest were soon dropped when I realized I couldn't write forthem at all). He was changed to Plank, Woodstock, and Snoopy. Finally, I settled upon the Christmas Troll who brings food to all the good males and females!


	6. The Love We've Found

Eddy landed outside the theater. It was no longer night, but daytime, like it should have been. "Ouch. My butt's gonna...hey, I'm back! I'm alive! I'm not a poor sap covered in snow that no one cares about!"

Kevin and Nazz walked by. "...so the dork's hiding out from Christmas!" Kevin was saying. "What a loser!"

"His loss," agreed Nazz.

"Not anymore!" called Eddy. "Merry Christmas!"

"Eddy?" said Nazz, a little confused.

"Why are you so happy?" asked Marcus. "Is this a scam you dorked up?"

"Nope!" admitted Eddy. "No scams! (For now, at least!)" Jimmy walked by singing Christmas Carols. "Jimmy!"

"AAAHHH! Eddy!"

"Thanks for all the help, Jimmy!"

"Help?" squeaked Jimmy. Suddenly, Sarah ran to Jimmy's rescue. "EDDY, YOU IDIOT! LEAVE JIMMY ALONE!"

"Bug off, Sarah!" Eddy stomped inside. "I may be nice, now, but some things never change!" Inside, Eddy saw Double D dressed as Jacob Marley. "WHAT! I'm sorry I was mean to Sarah, but I'm a changed person! Really! REALLY! I DON'T WANT CHAINS!"

Edd stared at him. "Eddy, you're supposed to say that to the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come! Scrooge's state in the Marley scene is..." he flipped through the script. "...nervous but skeptical!"

"You mean you're not threatening me to change? Then what's with the suit?"

"I'm playing Marley! You disappeared somewhere, so I got on my costume while I was waiting for you."

"How long was I gone? I mean, it turned into night and everything!"

Night? It's been daylight! You were only gone a few minutes."

"The spirits did it all in a few minutes! They can do anything! Of course they can! Of course they can!"

Edd thought for a moment. "Now, let me see...we have all the props we need except for a turkey."

"I'll get one!"

"But we need to practice!"

"I've got an idea!" Eddy ran outside to find Sarah and Jimmy. "Sarah! Jimmy!"

"What do you want now?" growled Sarah.

"If you guys run out and get me a prop turkey, I'll give you...uh..." Eddy checked the script. "...half a crown!"

"But prop turkeys cost about ten dollars!" explained Jimmy.

Eddy attempted to smile. "Fine...I'll give you...t-t-ten...dollars." Sarah and Jimmy took the money and ran off to buy a prop turkey. Eddy noticed Johnny digging through the snow, still looking for Plank. "Johnny! Let me help you!" Eddy reached into the spot that he'd seen in the future where Johnny would step and pulled Plank out.

"Plank! You found him, Eddy!"

"Yeah, and I'll give you a buck for the rainforests! Wood ain't so bad."

"Thanks, Eddy!"

"You have served me well, Johnny 2x4," thought Plank to his friend. "Now kill the children. Kill them all."

"Okay, Plank! You're so full of it!"

The play soon went on, and was a huge success with the kids. The only problem was during the final scene, when the whole cast was gathered around the prop turkey. Ed was the happiest to see it, and picked it up and threw it around, shouting "Fly, turkey, fly!" The others tried to stop him, causing more chaos.

"Oh dear..." sighed Edd. "Well, God bless us, everyone!"

After that, there was a Christmas party at Nazz's house. Everyone sat at the table, eating. Ed was attempting to make conversation. "...and after my operation, they said that my liver grew three sizes that day!"

"Um, thank you for sharing that information with us, Ed," sighed Edd.

"Fly, turkey, fly!" Ed started tossing the turkey around. It was pretty much a repeat of what happened before. Eddy stood up, ignoring the chaos.

Eddy: **_Well, I met someone who touched my soul_**

_**And made my world brand-new...**_

Edd and Eddy: **_There's part of me_**

_**A place inside**_

_**That now belongs to you**_

_**The love we've found**_

Ed, Edd, and Eddy: **_The love we've found_**

_**We carry with us**_

_**So we're never quite alone**_

Everyone: **_The love we've found_**

_**The love we've found**_

_**The sweetest dream**_

_**That we have ever known**_

_**The love we've found**_

_**The love we've found**_

_**We carry with us**_

_**So we're never quite alone**_

THE END

**_

* * *

_**Naturally, Eddy won't be changed forever...well, nothing's perfect. Merry Christmas! 


End file.
